Nice Guy Quiz breakdown

 

Here are the 6 areas where Nice Guy-ism shines through in many men's day-to-day lives:

1) Love, Appreciation & Approval seeking

This is a big one! Even in their adult life, Nice Guys are still looking for ways to receive Love, Appreciation & Approval (LAA). This seeking takes many different forms. Here are some examples:

- You work to appear as an unselfish man with great morals.
-
You strive to please everyone around you by doing things perfectly.
-
You try to always look sharp and well-dressed.
-
Your car is pristine and clean.
- You speak in a nice, non-threatening voice.
-
You’re the one staying sober and responsible all the time.
-
If you have kids, you may be inclined to come across as being the perfect father, especially to the friends of your children.
-
You make insincere compliments and talk badly about others behind their back in order to get approval.
- T
rying to be different from other men by acting weird or non-conforming (wearing strange clothing/haircut)
- And so on..
.

2) Conflict Avoidance

Nice Guys find it really uncomfortable to be in conflict because being in a conflict potentially means that someone disapproves of you.

If you’re conflict avoidant, you’ll go to great lengths to never offend anyone. You may adopt a pleasant, non-threatening voice, and always be smiling so as to appear friendly. You hardly ever get angry and even see this as a virtue.

You have a hard time speaking up when you’ve received a bad product or service. You hate confronting people, even if they’re disrespecting you. You have trouble saying NO to tasks you don't want to do because you're uncomfortable with people’s negative reactions. 

You may even change your opinion in a conversation if you notice the other person doesn’t agree with you. In general, you’ll stay on the low and avoid taking risks.

3) Over-Apologising

Nice Guys have a tendency to say sorry a lot, even when it’s not necessary. This trait also shows up in asking for permission when it’s not really required, or being overly sensitive to authority.

If you have tendencies to be overly apologetic, you may feel guilty a lot, even to the point where you feel like you’re a burden to other people and that you take up too much space. 

You fear disappointing others and this translates into difficulties setting your own boundaries. The typical Nice Guy has a lot of trouble determining where his boundaries are and how to state them to others. The classic example is that you’re the one saying sorry when someone bumps into you.

4) Inauthenticity Around Women

Nice Guyism has consequences in how you relate with the opposite sex. The false belief that being nice and seeking LAA by pleasing will make you more desirable to women couldn’t be further from the truth.

Authentically serving and respecting women are of course very important qualities. But Nice Guys will take this to the extreme. When you're around women you find attractive, you frequently display the opinion that women can never do anything wrong. You're acting as the "white knight" defending her when she's being criticised, even if in reality the criticism is valid.

You’re tip-toeing around the mood of attractive women or of your partner. You may be monitoring what you're going to say or being careful what not to say. You have a strong tendency to wait for the “right” moment to bring up a topic that is important for you, but might potentially upset your partner.

You pretend like you're authentically interested in all the subjects she's talking about and you hide your true motives about how interested you are in having sex. The sad truth is Nice Guys typically get friend-zoned more often than they’d like.

5) Low Assertiveness & Setting Boundaries

Assertive people tend to feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and desires. They know their rights and have control over their anger.

As a Nice Guy, you’ll typically struggle with this. You have difficulty voicing your needs and making them a priority. You generally don’t dare raise your opinion first.
 

Many Nice Guys are afraid of their anger. They’re afraid of hurting someone else and themselves. They think it’s the toxic part of being a man. They fear becoming a hyper-masculine gorilla and despise this sort of aggressive macho-behaviour in other men. 

If this is your case, you’ll end up suppressing your healthy assertiveness and find it difficult to connect with that strong power within you. As a result, you often get taken advantage of. You brush things under the carpet, never complain and don’t stand up for yourself.you.

6) Passive-Aggressive Behaviours

When your boundaries are consistently violated and your needs not sufficiently met, you’ll inevitably leak your frustration through passive-aggressive behaviours. It’s the remains of suppressed emotions that should have been expressed somewhere else, or it’s anger leaked where it doesn’t belong.


In practice, your passive-aggressive behaviours may look like grumpiness, silent treatment, judgements, gossiping, cynicism, sarcasm, pissed-off body postures, procrastination, lateness, lame excuses, putting off responsibility & addictive behaviours.

Why is it so appealing for Nice Guys to turn to passive aggressiveness? Because they know that loud or obnoxious expression of anger leaves them vulnerable to the rejection of others. So they choose to belittle others through hidden means and through behaviour that leaves them least exposed. It’s free of the risk of being considered as an angry asshole. 

 

Conclusion

 

The 100% Nice Guy probably doesn’t exist, but I do think most men in our modern world tick a number of these characteristics.


So what’s the alternative?


Shedding your Nice Guy conditioning is not about becoming a hyper-masculine gorilla. It's about becoming the man you deep down already are. Your true self comes from a place of authenticity, realness and rawness.


Watch the video where Hajee presents 4 steps that can help you:





If your overall Nice Guy Quiz score from the email is:

Between 1 and 2: You sometimes display these Nice Guy traits, but mostly seem quite integrated as a man. Be careful that you’re not in denial or showing signs of being at the opposite end of the spectrum displaying anti-social behaviours.


Between 2 and 3: It seems there’s not too much to worry about, but you may have a tendency to act like a Nice Guy more than half of the time. When in doubt we’ll always invite you to check yourself and work on your patterns.


Between 3 and 4: You regularly display Nice Guy traits in the majority of your day-to-day life. There’s definitely a lot of work to do in these areas and you’re invited to take a closer look at your behaviours.


Between 4 and 5: You may be acting like a Nice Guy pretty much all of the time. Chances are that you deep down are quite unhappy and would greatly benefit from making changes in your life. You're greatly encouraged to do something about it.

If you want to discuss your Nice Guy Quiz results with Hajee, simply book your Free 30-minute intake session to receive customised advice for your Nice Guy recovery.

I hope you had fun filling out the Nice Guy Quiz and learned something about yourself in the process.

Feel free to reach out for any further questions you may have: hajee@mankracht.org 

Or check the agenda for upcoming trainings and intro evenings.

           

With brotherly love,

Hajee

© Mankracht 2021

Subscribe to our newsletter